Im at strip club and am horny
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
