are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
BRING THE BAGELS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
