It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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