This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
