Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize