You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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