dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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