I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
