I just threw up on my dentist
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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