I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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