well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize