I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
