you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
