just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
