chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
