Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize