Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
