My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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