she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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