ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
