At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
