I CAN MOONWALK!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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