PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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