I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
