im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
