READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
