I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
