Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
