I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
