hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
