Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
