just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
