I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
