Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
