You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
