I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
