I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize