So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
