I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
