I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
