i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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