Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
