do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
