the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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