Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
