Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
