The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
