i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
