Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
