$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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