you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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