Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
