12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
