R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
