It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
