I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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