to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
