I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
