please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
