how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
