I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
