i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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