I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
