She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize