I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
