I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
