Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
