shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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