Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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