So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
