Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
