he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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