Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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