the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
third nipple confirmed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
