so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
