speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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