idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
