just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
