i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
