she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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