you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
