Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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