im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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