Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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