My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
