Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
