I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
