how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
