Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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