I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
