Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
