So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
