Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
