i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Randomize
