Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
