Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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