im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
