In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everything about him screamed your future.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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