My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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