dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
