I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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