Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize