Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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