just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
