you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
