I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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