So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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