I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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