When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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