Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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