i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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