she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
