You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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