last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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