fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
