Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
