My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
